boot in your ass.

Homemade tortillas (homegrown veggies)

Fourth of July spurred a lot of magical jokes, including Ernest Goes to Concentration Camp (look for it next summer at your favorite theatre!).

Carne Asada for food–you know, the normal 4th selection.

Followed by an epic badminton tourney (we didn’t have enough badminton rackets, so we used the awesome tennis rackets as well).

Blockus and…other things were also popular.

cooookkkkoutttttt

I stole my parent’s grill!  Ryan doesn’t like the fact that the grill itself isn’t attached to the stand, but how else would I have shoved all of the elements into my little car?  I must be into thievery today, because I also took these pictures from Nicole’s flickr.  Take that!

Food prep–check out the awesome hand-lettered sign my dad took from an abandoned hotel in the 1970’s.

merry-nade make me happy!

Atomic Donkey Turds

Carne Asada, grilled bell peppers, homemade tortillas, donkey turd

electrolux appliances: IT’S WHAT I’D COOK IF I COOKED.

Recently, I’ve noticed an outcropping of commercials for Electrolux, a Swedish company, which for the past few years has been attempting to save it’s faltering global image, and which launched an advertising campaign this April, introducing its new line of products to the US. If you have not yet experienced the glory that is manifested in these ads, they feature Kelly Ripa, a day-time soap star, who co-hosted the Regis and Kathy Lee show for a stint. Yet I shall continue, lest I digress.
The first two commercials are generically bland—showing the “perky” chested Kelly Ripa entertaining as all good American trophy wifes should—trotting around in jeans and heels, making pizzas and ribs at the same time, washing stemware, and, true to the ways of the past, high-fiving small children and dogs! Truly, the glory lurks in the third commercial in the series, dubiously dubbed, “The Cupcake Queen.”
Ah, The Cupcake Queen—apparently a self-made woman. The scene opens, pert Ripa clacking away in a clearly expensive, New York high rise, shiny Electrolux appliances shimmering and twinkling in the moonlit kitchen. “Just because a woman is single doesn’t mean she doesn’t understand the right appliances can help you find your McHottie.” Okay, fair enough. Computer, telephones, and possible Xerox machines have all helped some find their “McHottie” (don’t pretend you don’t remember that last office Christmas party…you know, the one where you wore that short skirt and they ran out of chairs so there was no where else to sit…).
The camera then cuts to Busty Betty and her burgundy buddy, downing goblets of wine in a modern (yet classic) living room. “The Cupcake Queen. She’s in a position in life that’s a single woman’s fantasy!” I’ll buy that. I would love to be able to afford an overpriced, finely stocked condo. Really, who wouldn’t! To all self-made women, I tip my hat! But wait, there’s more!
Dulcet tones ring out from above–Hark, what’s that I hear? The doorbell!–and off dashes the rosy host. Coyly, she opens the door to find–A STRANGE MAN SHOVING A PLATE IN HER FACE. No words are exchanged as our daring doll dashes off-scene, only to return seconds later with an oversized cupcake in hand. “She lives in a building filled with hot guys…[insert clips of random shirtless men with plates]…and they ALLLL have a thing for her cupcakes.” Forget the fact that this immensely attractive woman is single, living in an overpriced, well-furnished flat. BITCH HAS A DOUBLE-CAPACITY-ELECTROLUX-WALL-OVEN, anndddd she can bake. Until she purchased that oven, she was unemployed. True story. I was there.
Oh, but it’s not over yet! It’s now chipper Kelly’s turn to answer the door, while our hesitant heroine takes a much deserved break. “So you see,” Kelly knowingly informs us, “if you have the right appliances, they’ll be after your cupcakes all night long.” The door opens, and…enter the dumpy delivery boy. Clearly peeved, Kelly snatches the clipboard from his outstretched hand and glares menacingly at her chuckling friend. Oh Ripa, this is another fine mess you’ve gotten yourself into.

Since Electrolux is a stingy bastard, they won’t allow anyone to embed, so to truly experience the glory, you’ll have to click HERE.

McWORLD!

…it could happen.

Mail fraud is fun for everyone.  Tippy just received a letter with a McDonald’s “Reading Railroad” game piece instead of a stamp.  This will teach everyone to doubt me and/or trust the thoroughness of the robots at the post-office!

square america

This site is a collection of vintage snapshots. You should probably go look at it (especially you, Colin). It makes me pretty happy.

Square America

tasteful!

A few nights ago we caught a woman giving a guy a hummer in the parking lot, while taking a leak all over her white stretch-pants, which were artfully bunched around her ankles.

Hooray! Eros theme, here I come!

hearsay, I tell you!

Federal Rules of Evidence 413, 414, and 415, enacted as a part of the Violent Crime Control and Law Enforcement Act of 1994, permit prosecutors and civil plaintiffs to offer evidence of the defendant’s other acts of sexual assault or child molestation, “on any matter to which they are relevant.” George Fisher, Evidence 182 (2002).

“The new rules for sex offense cases authorize admission and consideration of evidence of an uncharged offense for its bearing ‘on any matter to which it is relevant.’”Susan Molinari, Concerning the Prior Crimes Evidence Rules for Sexual Assualt and Child Molestation Cases, Cong. Rec. H8991-92, Aug. 21, 1994. This means that evidence of offenses for which the defendant has not been prosecuted or convicted is admissible, alongside evidence of prior convictions.

So what’s the big deal? While I understand that the court is attempting to make it tougher for child and sexual predators to get off the theoretical hook, the application of these rules simply serves to usurp the power of FRE 404(b), which is a safeguard in our court system created specifically for this purpose.

Rule 404(b) provides that “evidence of other crimes, wrongs, or acts is not admissible to prove the character of a person in order to show that the perosn acted in conformity therewith. It may, however, be admissible for other purposes, such as proof of motive, opportunity, intent, preparation, plan, knowledge, identity, or absence or mistake or accident.”

“The purpose of Rule 404(b) in a criminal trial is to ensure that the defendant is tried on the merits of the crime as charged and to prevent a conviction based on evidence of other crimes or wrongs.” State v. Bassett, 139 N.H. 493, 496.

By allowing evidence of crimes for which the defendant has not been previously prosecuted nor convicted of in the past, courts are allowed to circumvent a major safeguard that has been built into our system. There is no right to trial, fair or otherwise.

404(b) provides a way to admit the evidence 413-415 seeks to welcome in, but it requires a standard. Our courts should not be welcoming a melee of conflicting opinions and stories. Rules are in place specifically to protect hearsay and plotting from wiggling their way into the system.

*Please note, obviously I find the crimes heinous, but it doesn’t mean that those on trial for them deserve any less than the full protection our courts provide everyone else.

Photos from San Diego trip

Set Here.

I always forget about my paramount destiny and mission!

“The natural and proper timidity and delicacy which belongs to the female sex evidently unfits it for many of the occupations of civil life.”

“The paramount destiny and mission of woman are to fulfill the noble and benign offices of wife and mother. This is the law of the Creator. And the rules of civil society must be adapted to the general constitution of things, and cannot be based upon exceptional cases…”

–Bradwell v. Illinois (1873)

“Accidental Tourist’s Guide to Maintaining Privacy Against Government Surveillance”

“To maintain privacy, one must not write any checks nor make any phone calls. It would be unwise to engage in conversation with any other person, or to walk, even on private property, outside one’s house. If one is to barbecue or read in the backyard, do so only if surrounded by a fence higher than a double-decker bus and while sitting beneath an opaque awning. The wise individual might also consider purchasing anti-aerial spying devices if available (be sure to check the latest Sharper Image catalogue). Upon retiring inside, be sure to pull the shades together tightly so that no crack exists and to converse only in quiet tones. When discarding letters or other delicate materials, do so only after a thorough shredding of the documents (again see your Sharper Image catalogue); ideally, one would take the trash personally to the disposal site and bury it deep within. Finally, when buying items, carefully inspect them for any electronic tracking devices that may be attached.”

–Scott E. Sundby, “Everyman”’s Fourth Amendment: Privacy or Mutual Trust Between Government and Citizen